SILENT CHAOS

Have you ever experienced seasons or moments where you couldn’t exactly place how you feel, what’s going on, or how to respond?

Have you ever felt so detached from your once-familiar life, observing everything as if it’s out of place—accompanied by an inner chatter or silence that feels chaotic?

Or perhaps you’ve encountered a sense of imbalance, where the version of yourself that others perceive doesn’t align with the version you experience during certain seasons.

There have been times when I’ve noticed a subtle yet sublime genius in someone, only to receive a response suggesting their indifference or, dare I say, fear of being seen for who they truly are – which is not the persona I’ve described.

This dissonance between perception and reality often creates a silent chaos—a discordance between external reality and internal truth. It's as if there's a constant battle between the masks we wear and the authenticity we yearn to embody.

Beyond the momentous expression of others, we come head-on with this experience through seasons of transitions; seasons of intense-shift necessity. Seasons marked with the urgency to move forward after consistently re-arranging the cards only to arrive at a point where you have to pull out a new card.

We see discrepancies in moments of darkness—where the abyss of our soul communicates a part of us we wish would never come to light. The discrepancy between the supposed admiration you have for a friend and the deep-seated envy that would cause you to speak ill of this friend before others to feel good about yourself.

You can’t seem to sit with it neither can you deny this darkness. You are consistently torn between the shadows of unresolved darkness and the bloom of identified light. It becomes a silent chaos—an internal battlefield where your thoughts become both the offender and the defender.

Silent Chaos is like the nightmare of the genius mind, the paradox of brilliance, and the marker of evolution. It is the exposure of our frailty to suggest the possibility of grandeur. It is a witness to our humanity, the wheel of metamorphosis, and the opening to newness.

Such chaos; though discomforting could either be a revelation of disagreeable actions or more frequently—the night to the morning or a bridge of transition. It could also be a conflict between internal reality and outward appearance. Though chaotic, our cue is never to judge ourselves or to feel defeated in the emotion or it’s expression. Rather, it’s to be consciously present, aware and mindful enough to see this chaos for what it actually is, not what we think it to be.

The world exists in duality, polarity and the union of opposites. For a thing to be, the reverse must exist. This duality is only a revelation of possibilities that abound.

The possibility of potential..

The chaos is not evil. Just possibility.

Silent chaos is diverse. At the bridge of transition, the brink of evolution, essence inconsistencies—this inner tantrum would always come to bare. It manifests itself in diverse ways and forms but one thing is constant, it’s usually a union of opposites, a journey from now to next and the necessity for evolution.

For the sake of this essay, I would streamline my exposé to three forms consistent with all genius.

• The Bridge of Transition

• The Brink of Evolution

• Essence Inconsistencies

The Bridge of Transition

The challenge with moving from point A to B is in the struggle against the familiar. The mind—your guardian, tends to protect you from the new by safeguarding the old. This reads as many things; from fear to anxiety to doubt. The exaggeration of this transition could simply be chaotic. Where you are fine but not really fine. You probably begin to disengage, avoid and disconnect from the world around you because you are in a season you can’t quite understand. What makes this even more challenging isn’t the understanding you do not have but the intense doubts it brings along.

You trade understanding for binging and indulging in self-destructive behaviors for comfort. A failing attempt to numb the chaos and rapidly move from its bane.

In these seasons, it becomes critical to identify whether or not you are at a bridge. Thus, understanding that your mind is only loyal to comfort and safety rooted in familiarity. It reveres the unfamiliar because of its uncertainty and newness—a possible sign of danger. It’s critical assignment is to keep you safe than sorry.

…and, it’s really great at it.

Hence, the need to be sovereign. To establish government over your members and to ensure it’s compliance to your informed new order. To insist on being the architect for the shift you desire and to sculpt the change you envision.

It becomes necessary to be your own critic as much as your own coach. Not for decision but for awareness, for liberation and for new narratives.

Transitions are usually marked with somewhat mental darkness that translates to silent chaos. This happens due to that which is learned and known by the you at the edge of that transition but insignificant to the you on the other end of the transition (now ==> next)

This bridge is a journey of evolution and while transitions are marked with this darkness, our evolution is like the soul locked in the process.

The Brink of Evolution

Rejection is necessary for acceptance as failure is necessary for success. Based on your relationship with either side of the coin (rejection vs acceptance, failure vs success), your argument would be skewed. Of course, failure can be avoided —but, can it really? Usually, when we look at opposites, we think of extremes not facts and never reality. We pay attention to form but never essence.

You cannot embrace one side without awareness of the other. It is sadness that make us recognize happiness. Recognition is proof we have transcendental experience with the opposite. This is how we label, how we know what is right or wrong—familiarity with opposites.

The brink of evolution is usually a trade of opposites or seeming opposing faces. We trade mediocrity for excellence; laziness for competence; lust for energy and boredom for production. The thing with evolution is that it isn’t actually exciting. It’s a trade. A replacement of the familiar with the unfamiliar, and an evolution from death to life or life to death. For some, this is where silent chaos comes to bare. That change easily becomes chaos—unexplainable, troubling and defiant.

This defiance can manifest as a pushback against old patterns and the discomfort of new growth. It's in these moments of evolution where our previous self-concepts and the reality of our current experiences seem at odds, sparking an internal conflict that feels both chaotic and necessary.

The true essence of evolution involves this uncomfortable chaos—where the known and unknown collide, and where transformation becomes not just a concept but a tangible experience. It demands a relentless questioning of our beliefs, habits, and even the emotions we cling to. It requires shedding which though necessary is painful and unbearable.

This chaos, although unsettling, is essential for growth, as it forces us to confront and often discard the aspects of our lives that no longer serve us.

The challenge though is changing often comes with responses from those who used to know you. By “those”, I would mean—people, habits, actions etc. These monumental building blocks of your old self would often conflict with your evolution. In a bid to get you to remember and stay loyal to who you once where. As easy as it seems to put pen to paper and highlight these experiences, it’s not as easy as it seems in reality. You start to close off objectivity, doubting whether or not you need to embrace this evolution. If any kind of religion has government over your soul, the harder it becomes. You would fear the labeling, the criticism and the imagined consequences of going avert.

And the usual and unconscious though sometimes conscious elephant in the room —“what would people say?”. Especially when it has to do with a rigid conversion from one school of thought to another or one frame of expression to another.

Evolution must happen. You either decide to stall it or stay unchanged dammed by the illusion of meaning. Thus, this chaos is a catalyst—a necessary experience for change, compelling us to redefine our values, beliefs, and the very essence of our identity.

It is within these seasons of intense inner turmoil that the seeds of a new self are sown. It is within these seasons true transformation occurs. I wrote an essay that shows you how to move from now to next—handling transitions, evolution and everything in between as well as the intelligence to navigate. Read it here.

Essence Inconsistencies

At the introduction of this essay, I had subtly penned down a relative example that typifies essence inconsistencies. You know how your expression of your beliefs or values makes you seem like a fraud? Thus, making you doubt the very fabric of your essence—it’s infallibility, nuance and truth. Where the authenticity you desire to embody is inconsistent in display.

It is first critical to establish that who you say you are isn’t always who you are. You can assume a trait based on current engagement but be the direct opposite of what you believe yourself to be. This is why there are people you probably know who seem to be double-faced, unknowing to them. They teach what they do not deeply believe in practice and are inconsistent in their expression of supposed beliefs. Even if they say a thing is wrong, they express same labeled error in a different way and justify it.

Truth is, the frailty of our human condition is laced with imperfection. It is this imperfection that serves as bricks for evolutionary perfection. Hence, it is first important to understand the inconsistencies that would come with essence. We would mean a thing and do another. It is how we express how we feel and our innate desire for power and self-importance. It is subtle but it resides strongly in the realm of your subconscious.

Let’s look at two long-term best friends for example, Jane and Priscilla—Jane thinks Priscilla is prettier than she is—she feels she is just “too much”. Beautiful, bold, Intelligent and most preferred even though they are best friends. Priscilla’s boyfriend confides in Jane about his relationship with Priscilla to gain perspective and get her to probably speak to her friend to treat him more kindly. Instead, Jane subtly communicates the imperfections in her friend in a way that suggests she cares for her but at the same time cares that he is treated better. Even though Priscilla’s boyfriend made sense of Jane’s insight, Jane knew exactly what she was doing and it wasn’t for the good of her friend. Now, Jane feels horrible about this but never speaks to Priscilla. She isn’t even aware that her actions were influenced by her jealousy. She beats herself up and constantly feels like a bad person because of what she did to her best-friend.

Even though Jane is Priscilla’s best friend, her un-investigated jealousy patterns got the best of her and affected her actions. This is an essence inconsistency. Jane who believed herself to be a loyal friend acts out of an emotion that wildly suggests otherwise.

When we exhibit a behavior that negates who we are and who we think we are, we begin to experience that silent chaos over again. You may not be able to place it but the feeling of needing air, edginess and being cranky becomes an outward manifestation of the turmoil happening inwards.

It’s like the first time a person exhibits a negative behavior. —it rapidly turns into an episode. This occurs because the aspects of who you are and what you believe—or at least, what you thought you believed—seem to judge you. This inconsistency can cause avoidance, defeat and numbness. We start to define ourselves by a single occurence, an aspect of our being we leave un-investigated in fear that it is who we really are. We label it a darkness and fear it profusely without first acknowledging its occupancy and employing adequate steps to move forward.

The silent chaos caused by essence inconsistency could be disruptive and send us on different extremes on its plane. It’s important to understand that the problem is never in the actions themselves but how we choose to respond and evolve from them.

Handling Silent Chaos

When we experience this inner chaos, we can only attempt to master it to move past it and to develop a framework for engagement whenever it shows up because it will.

To handle this, we need to adopt a multi-faceted approach.

Awareness & Reflection: How do you understand and evolve from what you are not aware of? It's counter-intuitive. Essentially, you want to first ensire awareness by reflecting on thoughts, behaviors, emotions and possible triggers of this silent chaos. This helps you pay attention—to understand the root of the chaos you experience.

Part of genius evolution is mastering your experiences and seasons and making them your education because, you would feel it again and it would happen again.

You must understand the triggers to the chaos you feel as well as the responses you accorded at every point in time.

Acceptance: This allows you to acknowledge your feelings and experiences without judgement. It is embracing the reality of the silent chaos without condemnation. Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding the reality of the situation to address it effectively. What you don't accept, you resist and what you resist cannot change. Understanding that the reality of the chaos you experience and it’s cause already exists is necessary for change. You have to accept where you are to move towards where you desire to be. It is not a conversation of what you think but what actually is.

Understanding why the silent chaos exists, what caused it and accepting its reality is the next step on this path. Like Albert Einstein eloquently puts it, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” That is, you have to elevate your consciousness to create usable outcomes.

Never fight what is. Accepting its reality isn’t resigning to its fate. You can accept that it exists without believing it’s who you are. It does exist. Reduce the resistance.

Decision: With awareness and acceptance comes decision. Understanding the cause of the silent chaos and accepting its reality would require decisive actions to move from passive acceptance to active change. Usually, when this chaos lingers it’s because we are avoiding something which could be either acceptance or action.

The silent chaos is a catalyst for change and change requires actions. It is awareness of where you are and where you hope to get to and building the bridge that connects both ends.

The chaos never really goes. It simply becomes fuel for evolution.

You would feel it but you would master it.

You can re-invent yourself as many times as possible.

Allow the chaos but never let it lead you. Be attentive.

Move from now to next.

And remember, in a world where you can be anything, be GENIUS.

- Faith Ohio

Additional Reading:

- Bridging the Chasm: From Now to Next by Faith Ohio